you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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