I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize