wanna go halves on a baby?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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