tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
