Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I forget how to act sober
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