toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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