please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
