sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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