He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
