im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
