I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My ass is underappreciated
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
