I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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