So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
