girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
