my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
