You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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