is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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