He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
