thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
