I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
