The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You ruined the universe
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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