Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
