oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
