Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
