My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
