I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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