I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Couch. On fire.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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