She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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