You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
