after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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