Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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