I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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