OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Nicole vs. Life
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
