Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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