I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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