Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
