I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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