I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
