I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
