my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize