I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
