How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
