I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
