She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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