maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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