Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
