im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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