I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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