who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
