You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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