hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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