me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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