Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
