So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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