am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
