Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
