It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
