Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
