And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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