please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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