if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
