just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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