i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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