some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
