I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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