Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
