I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
