When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
