FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
