i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
