my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
