I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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