there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
