I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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