3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
