They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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