My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
