I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
