the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
