So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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