just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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