Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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