glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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