you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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