I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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