It's Friday. Sex?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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