Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
