"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
