I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
