4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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