I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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