five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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