You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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