All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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