I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
