Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
