I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
