Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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