She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
