I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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