Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
