I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
