I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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