i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
