We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
