Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
